Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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