Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
