The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
