I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They are going to name an STD after you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
