We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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