the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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