Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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