I'm so fucking centered right now
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
