I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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