i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
