I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
