I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
