I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
