Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
