ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
