Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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