I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
