Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So apparently I’m into choking now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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