I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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