made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
