Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
