I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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