what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
