he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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