I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize