So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
