Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
