Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
