There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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