She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So much rum. So many feels.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
