You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
