Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
