is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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