My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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