Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
