the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
