Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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