I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
