I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
