i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
