Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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