Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.