The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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