Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I need a burrito and a hug.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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