you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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