he shaved USA in his pubs
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
