It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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