i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
