Don't make out with my wife yet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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