If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
