I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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