He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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