it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize