I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
