I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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