He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
