i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
