hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize