The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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