so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
