I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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