direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
