p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
