It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
